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Ever feel like you're on autopilot?
Reacting instead of responding?
Like you're constantly spinning your wheels, but not going anywhere?
You're not alone, my friend.
We live in a world that's constantly pulling us in a million different directions. We’re constantly bombarded with distractions, and it's way too easy to get swept up in the chaos. It increases our stress levels which can leave us on edge, and if we’re not paying attention, the overwhelm can lead us to lash out.
And let me tell you, it’s difficult to grow when you live in reactionary mode.
Part of the foundation for a growth mindset is intentionality.
Intentionality is about aligning your thoughts, your actions, and your effort so that they reflect and amplify your values and goals. It's about being deliberate in how we choose to interact with challenges. It's the practice of consciously shaping our experiences rather than simply reacting to them.
Intentional Thoughts
Intentionality: The Foundation of Growth and Change
One of my clients recently shared a story about how she put Stop & Shift into practice in her personal life, and it reminded me how this pattern can create the mindset we need to lean into our growth. It’s a tool we can fall back on when we face challenges so that we can see those opportunities for learning.
It allows you to acknowledge where you are and practice who you want to be so that you can keep growing forward instead of getting stuck.
Here’s the story she shared with me (and let me say, it’s such a good one!):
One day as she was heading out the door to run some errands, she overheard her partner and her stepson talking. There was an event her stepson wanted to attend, and the two of them were making plans to go. Her stepson’s mother had just opened a boutique, and he wanted to go support his mom.
She had her own plans for the day, but she also had some feelings bubbling up about the fact that her partner hadn’t looped her in on the plan to go see his ex.
While she was out and about, her inner voice (the one I refer to as your “Inner Gremlin”) kept whispering in her ear about all the things that frustrated her about this situation.
And then it happened…
The Power of the Pause: Choosing Your Response
She noticed how caught up she was listening to that Inner Gremlin’s monologue, and with just a little space from the noise, she was able to check in and ask herself what she really believed and valued.
She believes in her partner’s trustworthiness. So whatever story that Inner Gremlin was trying to spin, she knew it wasn’t true.
She values supporting other women, and that’s exactly what her partner and stepson were doing that day.
And she knew that her partner loves to surprise her with gifts, especially beautiful clothes. If he saw something he thought she’d love, he was definitely going to bring it home for her.
She could choose to focus on the fact that this was her partner’s ex. She could choose to focus on the fact that he’d made these plans without her. She could react based on those thoughts and be sour with her partner for the rest of the night.
But those thoughts didn’t align with who she is or what she actually values and believes. And letting those thoughts make her reactive was going to ruin the wonderful weekend they had planned with friends.
So she chose to Shift her thoughts to align with who she genuinely wants to be.
Intentionally Transforming Your Experience
She reminded herself that she had nothing to worry about. She reminded herself that it was a great thing to have a new woman-led business in their community, and she was excited that anything her partner bought would help it thrive. And she reminded herself that her partner was probably going to come home with a fantastic surprise for her.
She intentionally shifted her focus, and she intentionally approached the rest of the day from that new mindset.
And guess what?
When she got home, her partner had two bags waiting for her, and he couldn’t wait to tell her that his son’s mother had opened a new shop and that they’d popped in today to support her! If she’d still been in that defensive headspace, she might’ve snapped at him and asked, “Why would you go there without telling me?”
Instead, she said, with genuine enthusiasm, “Oh my gosh, that’s so nice!”
Rather than getting into an argument, she was able to soak up how overjoyed he was to give her the gifts, which included a really beautiful new outfit. They had a fun night out with friends and had a lovely weekend.
That split-second pause, where she noticed her Inner Gremlin was telling her things that weren’t true, changed the entire trajectory of that day.
A Growth Mindset in Action
Those small choices, those opportunities to either stay feeling stuck or make the intentional choice to grow into the best version of ourselves, have a massive impact. Stack up enough of those intentionally joyful moments, and it turns out that you’re creating the building blocks for a healthy partnership, a fulfilling career, a joyful life.
That’s a growth mindset in action.
Here’s how Ellen Langer, the mother of mindfulness, puts it:
Life consists of only moments, nothing more than that. So if you make the moment matter, it all matters.
Growth isn’t always measured in grand accomplishments. Often it’s the small, intentional choices we make every day that lead to the most significant transformations.
Intentional Actions
Choosing Your Growth Mindset
Our thoughts have immense power. They shape our perceptions, influence our emotions, and ultimately drive our actions. Intentional thinking involves becoming aware of our thought patterns, challenging negative or limiting beliefs, and choosing to cultivate a growth-oriented mindset.
Not long ago, I was presenting my Stop & Shift workshop to an organization when a member of the team asked a really great question: “What do we do when we’re feeling angry but we don’t have the space to Shift because we have to respond quickly?”
Even in a high-pressure moment where a rapid response is critical, you can carve out the space to pause and notice your emotions and the thoughts fueling them. In fact, that pause is the first intentional choice you make in important moments.
Intentional Leadership in High-Pressure Moments
Our brains are hardwired to make us believe that we have to leap into action. That protective mechanism that’s part of our ancestral brain helped our ancestors escape life-or-death situations, but it can be triggered in moments where it’s not helpful or productive.
Your brain may try to tell you that there isn’t time for reflection when the stakes are high and the pressure is on, but just because your brain says it doesn’t make it true. Even the briefest pause—a single beat—can make a huge difference. That split-second Stop doesn’t slow your response or make you look indecisive, but it does help you be strategic and effective.
Channeling Challenging Emotions: From Anger to Action
In the heat of the moment, we’re not trying to do a deep dive into the root cause of our feelings. All you need to do in that pause is recognize what you’re feeling and then decide whether that feeling is productive in this situation.
And listen, it just might be!
Those feelings that our society labels as being “negative”—anger, frustration, disappointment, sadness—can be channeled into transformative positive change. But you can only make that call if you’re clear on what you’re feeling and what that feeling is calling you to do.
Being reactive doesn’t spark progress. Instead of sitting in that anger—or letting it push you to lash out—channel it into proposing solutions.
And here’s the good news:The more you practice engaging that pause, the smoother and quicker this reflection will become.
Intentional Effort
Hoop Dreams & Deliberate Effort
Effort without intention is like rowing a boat without a rudder. Intentional effort means focusing your energy on activities that truly matter, those that align with your goals and values. It's about deliberate practice, continuous learning, and a commitment to growth.
Let me give you an example from my son:
My kid loves basketball. He’s been playing since he was two years old, and I can see how much potential he has.
But here’s the thing: I could also see that he wanted to be a Kobe-level player by putting in minimal effort and banking on his natural talent.
We’re coming up on a new AAU season, and I knew he wanted to play on an AAU team that’s at a higher level than the league he’s been playing in. It’s a pretty serious commitment, and as a single parent, all of the investment—time, money, coordination—that goes into his activities falls on my shoulders.
But it’s an investment in my kid and his goals.
Keep Your Head on Swivel
I know how much he wants to level up in his playing, and I also know that he’s going to have to put in the effort to get there. So I was really honest with him. I sat him down and told him that I was willing to sign him up for a tryout, but only if he was willing to put in the effort on his end.
I told him he needed to show up ready to play in every game, and on his off-days, he needed to be using that time doing something that would help him improve. If he was bringing that level of effort to his training, I was willing to put in the work to support his dreams.
We had that conversation on a Friday. On Saturday, he had a game with his current team.
He played the best I’ve ever seen him play.
He’s a shooter, but listen, even Steph Curry misses some shots, right?
Here’s what I noticed, though. When he missed a good shot, he wouldn’t hang his head. He stayed right in the game. If the other team got the rebound, he was hustling back, which meant that he got multiple steals that resulted in either him or one of his teammates getting another look.
Lessons from the Highlight Reel
I was so impressed with the way he was playing, I started to put together a highlight reel—not just the shots he made, but also the ones he missed.
Because I wanted him to see, in action, the way his intentional effort paid off.
I wanted him to understand that if he’d hung his head after those missed shots, he would’ve missed the next opportunity. Because his focus was just bringing 100% effort, even when he missed, he was able to create another opportunity.
Needless to say, he’ll be trying out for the AAU team.
Your Highlight Reel
Here’s a simple activity I use with my coaching clients that you can do right now (no, I mean it, right now, before you click back out of this email) to practice intentionally noticing your growth by creating your own personal highlight reel.
It’ll take less than 5 minutes of your time:
Open up your calendar app, your planner, your scheduling software—whatever you use to keep track of your appointments, assignments, and to-dos—to December 2024.
Look at everything you had on your plate that month, and give yourself an opportunity to just think about what you accomplished that month.
Find one achievement you attained that month, and write it down.
Flip to November 2024, and do it again. Then do the same for October.
Then take a minute to just reflect on that list of accomplishments that were so clear and easy to find when you intentionally created a little space to see them.
This is such a simple practice that you can (and should!) incorporate into your regular routine throughout the year.
And if you’re a leader, bring this activity to your next team meeting, and encourage your team to reflect on all they’ve accomplished as individuals this year!
Continuing the Journey
Cultivating Intentionality in All Areas of Life
Intentionality is a lifelong practice. It’s not something you achieve once and check off your list—it’s a mindset you cultivate daily. It requires self-awareness, effort, and a commitment to continuous learning and growth.
When you live with intention, you’re not just going through the motions or reacting to circumstances—you’re actively shaping your experiences. You’re making conscious choices that align with your values, goals, and the person you want to become. And the impact of this mindset ripples into every aspect of your life.
In Your Relationships: Intentionality helps you communicate with clarity and compassion. It strengthens your ability to listen, respond thoughtfully, and foster meaningful connections rather than reacting impulsively.
In Your Career: An intentional approach allows you to focus on what truly matters—whether it’s professional growth, leadership, or making a lasting impact in your field. It helps you set clear goals, make strategic decisions, and show up as the best version of yourself.
In Your Personal Growth: Choosing to engage in self-reflection, challenge limiting beliefs, and embrace change fosters resilience. Every small, intentional choice contributes to your long-term growth and fulfillment.
In Your Well-Being: When you are intentional about your habits—your mindset, your energy, and the way you care for yourself—you create a foundation for a balanced, fulfilling life. You move away from burnout and toward sustainable success.
The beauty of intentionality is that it doesn’t require drastic changes; it’s built on small, consistent shifts that create lasting transformation. It’s about bringing awareness to the present moment, making thoughtful decisions, and ensuring your actions align with the life you truly want to live.
So ask yourself: Where in my life can I be more intentional today?
The answer to that question is where your next step toward growth begins.
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