Grief in Brussels

34 killed, 170 injured in Brussels… so far. But it’s not just these reported numbers of lives that are affected by the recent terrorist attacks.

Terrorist attacks are one of the most intense ripple effects of grief that could occur because it doesn’t just

affect the people with physical wounds, it affects the entire country. Safety, security, peace, joy, connection – these things are all robbed from citizens and in an instant, grief hits every heart. We know grief occurs when there’s a death, but that’s not where it ends. Grief occurs when we expect things to be different, better or more and it doesn’t happen that way.

We hear about the terrorist attacks around the world, and for a few days media coverage keeps the event in our living rooms, on our phones, and in our faces. But what happens with the “hype” is over? Sadly, most of us forget about those killed, injured, or the lives affected, but the reality is the grief (or the “scars” of grief) never leave.

Grief affects more than just our emotions. There are physical and psychological side effects caused by grief that are often suppressed, masked or ignored. Although we those reactions we experience are natural, we typically don’t know how to process what’s happened and more often than not, we also lack the support of our family, friends and peers who are guarded by their personal beliefs on grief.

But we can’t ignore the facts. Huffington Post recently shared a great article about how our bodies process grief. In it you learn, after the death of a loved one, our risk of heart attack is drastically increased. Our brains are also impacted creating a chemical deficiency that makes it hard to focus, concentrate or produce memories.

Here are 3 simple ways to help those around you who may be grieving a loss.

1. Be present – it sounds simple, but this is often missed. Don’t shy away from opportunities to help the person or family who has experienced a loss. In the first month, there are numerous ways to offer a helping hand with household responsibilities or providing basic necessities. Usually, people create their own awkwardness when acknowledging someone else’s loss. But if a friend, work colleague or someone in our community experiences a loss, we must put our personal issues to the side and be present for those in need.

2. At work, employers – offer flexibility. Give your employee(s) time to process their loss. I know 99.999999% of companies are numbers driven, but who produces those numbers? Your people! And if your employees are suffering, the business will suffer.

NOTE: One example of flexibility is to offer work from home hours/days in the first few weeks. This gives them the time and privacy to process the initial rocky emotions and begin their healing journey.

3. Leave your expectations at the door. Grief is hard work and it’s important to not impose your beliefs on the griever. Each loss is as unique as the individual and holds significant emotional weight because of the personal relationship. Honor each loss by eliminating judgement and expectations.

These tips barely scratch the surface. There are so many ways to help the individuals and families affected by today’s terrorist attacks. Provide basic necessities, give your time not just resources, be a shoulder or listen ear, and when in doubt, ask exactly what they need.

(Written March 2016)